Canada Diary Of – Joke

December 8- 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. <>

It looked like a Grandma Moses print. <>So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!<>

December 9<>

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. <>What a fantastic sight! <>

Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? <>Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had!<>

Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.<>

This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!<>

December 12<>

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-<>

We’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful!<>

Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.<>

December 14<>

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything<>

sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!<>

The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.<>

December 15<>

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.<>

December 16<>

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The Wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.<>

December 17<>

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.<>

Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own livingroom.<>

December 20<>

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice.<>

Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying.<>

Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might ave another shipment in March. I think they’re lying.<>

Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.<>

December 22<>

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.<>

By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the ******* is lying.<>

December 23<>

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!!<>

Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.<>

December 24<>

6 inches – Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who drives that snow plow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.<>

I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been!<>

Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.<>

December 25<>

Merry f—ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight – Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow!<>

Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.<>

December 26<>

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.<>

December 27<>

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.<>

December 28<>

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The ***** is driving me crazy!!!<>

December 29<>

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?<>

December 30<>

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.<>

December 31<>

I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.<>

January 8<>

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?<>

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